Show Me the Parent Who Thinks They Are Doing it Right

Tonight I glanced down to the kids at the foot of my bed. Maia took all her clothes off, again. Noah had a huge portion of my comforter in his mouth. Before I could properly admonish anyone I hear the familiar sound of water streaming onto my carpet. I literally JUST let the dogs out. Are you kidding? 

Is it harder to parent kids when you are sick just because you are zapped of all your energy and just generally find everything bothersome, or do kids, like conversations saved for when you are on the phone, save their strangest and most needy behavior for when you are sick? I hate summer colds. But more than anything, I hate to be sub-par for the 3 hours a day during the week that I get to hang out with my boos. I truly look forward to those hours. Then have had my fill after 15 minutes, but thats not the point. I have BIG PLANS for the twilight of the day, from 6-9 when my attention is literally all they need to feel fulfilled and loved and grow into happy, healthy, productive people. 

Or not. I am not saying that my efforts as their parent have no bearing on their perceptions of their selves and the world around them, it certainly does. But I get a little frustrated when I try to shelter them from the darkness in the world that abounds. I filter what they are exposed to in my care to keep them little for as long as possible. They have their whole lives to deal with the anxiety and weight of reality. 

When I ask Noah about his day today, he proceded to recount his zombie game. But he quickly corrected himself, "No, not zombies, I mean we played that we loved each other." Which is straight out of my mouth...when I hear him playing and everything is all explosions and "die" this and 'I'm gonna kick you" that I say "Noah, I know you are havng fun playnig good guy bad guy, but sometimes it is good to practice pretending to show love to one another, because that can be fun too, dont you love it when your friends do something nice for you?" 

So, back to the zombie/love fest fib...I made sure to let him know that I would much rather him tell me the truth about something I dont like than lie to me to make me like what he says. Where is that line between sheltering them too much, and setting boundaries and rules that are so rigid that your kids just try to fake it for you, and letting them do what they want and be who they are? Sill looking for that one. 

Then there is Maia who has taken to this new bear. She has always been my attachment-item child. She takes this bear everywhere. Tonight I hear her talking to the bear, "Is that cool? Isn't that so cool?" And she does this thing where every word she says to me she furrows her brow and gives it an extra syllable and puts -aah at the end. (Read: Nooo-aaah; pleassseee-aaah)  Everything she does lately comes from someone other than me. I wonder who says cool at the daycare. She plays shy child, and doesnt talk and plays coy. There is nothing wrong with it, just what do I do with that? So far I am going with the 'ignore it' method, and that's what I'll try until something worse develops. 

When my kids behave in a way that is the opposite of what I have taught them, I take it personally. A direct hit on my parenting skills. I know each parent has a different default response when their kids get into trouble. When mine do, I don't get defensive, I ask a LOT of questions, give it time, and usually  just get really offended that he didn't listen to me. Maia is young for this yet, but I have a feeling she is saving it all up for a time really soon. Reading it now is sounds so ego-centric and unhelpful. I also discipline and talk with the kid, but I doubt myself constantly. If he didn't listen to the lesson before, why would I think he'll respond to disciplinary techniques?

A friend gave me good advice the other day that I am trying to heed. I have to remember that God made my kids. He knows them better than me and has a plan for them which their little characters are perfect for; good, bad, and ugly. I did not make them the way that they are. All I can do is give them tools to sharpen the good and buff out the bad and teach them to develop good habits. And pray. A lot. Lord help me. 

And this is just the beginning. 

 

 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

~Proverbs 22:6