Work in Progress

Ugh. Today is just...kldnsdfsjh;fhksk. Yep, it's like that. I made a mistake a few nights ago and it is bothering me.

 

I must admit, I had quite a run of happy days with minimal problems and very little stress. I admit I am smack in the middle of a very content and lovely season of life. Things are going along swimmingly, I have everything I need. Family and friends abound, church, work, and extracurricular running smoothly, bills paid, healthy, truly all good. Future so bright, I gotta wear shades.

 

I'm reminded that "in this world, you will have trouble" (John 16:33). Things can't always be roses and sunshine, (although they should). I have prayed, I have read God's word, and I have talked it over with my varied arsenal of sound counsel. I have appropriately convinced myself that there is nothing more I can do, but I still feel uneasy. I'm about to cross the bridge from pride to regret. I was hoping not to visit that place. I could do entirely without having to see it ever again. but alas, here we are.

 

I am not about to air my dirty laundry, but I will say this: family is the most complicated love there is, and we can't take back our words. I am learning that I cannot fix everything. I have a hard time with not being able to fix things. I think I'm great at coming up with efficient solutions to problems, and I am chock full of advice and consolation for just about any situation. When there is something that I have done, which could have been improved upon, I walk myself right on through the same conversation I would have with myself if I were my best friend (I am), then I walk through with it with my real friends just to be sure I am right.
 

You see, I have this uncanny ability (or in my mind I do) to feel what others feel. My powers of empathy run in overdrive ALL THE TIME. I consider other's feelings to the detriment of my own. That's not to say that this trait is pure selflessness; see previous paragraph. What happens when the way I perceive someone must feel given a certain circumstance is...wrong? Ugh, I shudder at the thought. My intuition is impeccable. Sometimes.
 

Wanting to be the fixer-upper is a symptom of pride. When it comes right down to it, I need to think before I speak. I am supposed to speak Life. I should know better by now. But as long as I am breathing, God is working on me. Next up: Humility (Not my strong suit).

 

The remainder of the scripture I mentioned earlier is "But take heart! I have overcome the world." If it feels wrong, it is the Holy Spirit within me (Thank God) that will not allow unlovely things to exist within me. While I am not responsible with how others think act or feel, I am responsible for what comes out of my mouth, and I need to make sure that it is always lovely.